Are you Conditioned?

This blog is a result of a long and fruitful discussion with one of my good friend - 'SC'. It was yet another Saturday afternoon - with a cup of Chai and some Indian snacks. Our conversation begun with a basic question of how we have grown up to encompass a set of thoughts and fears - a mixture of good, bad and a lot of question-mark (accepted) thoughts and fears which I will like to refer as "where-did-i-get-this-from" thoughts since we ourselves are unable to trace the origin of these - but somehow we still have them, consider them true and hold them close.

Let us begin by understanding the base reason for these unknown and "where-did-i-get-this-from" fears. Majority of the times these fears can be linked to what we call - conditioning. New to this idea of conditioning? Conditioning is defined as "a process of behavior modification by which a subject comes to associate a desired behavior with a previously unrelated stimulus". The following example (cited from Layton, Julia.  "How Fear Works"  13 September 2005) will help throw more light on the above definition - 

"In the 1920s, in what is probably not one of psychology's finest moments, American psychologist John Watson taught an infant to fear white rats. "Little Albert" had no fear of the laboratory's test animals. He showed joy at the sight of the white rats especially and always reached out for them. Watson and his assistant taught Albert to be terrified of white rats. They used Pavlovian (classical) conditioning, pairing a neutral stimulus (the rat) with a negative effect. Whenever Albert reached for one of the rats, they created a terrifyingly loud noise right behind the 11-month-old child. Not only did Albert very quickly learn to fear the white rats, crying and moving away whenever he saw one, but he also started to cry in the presence of other furry animals and a Santa Claus mask with a white beard."

In humans, the prominent source of conditioning is parents, peers, teachers and society. This is termed as "Social Conditioning". Such conditioning happens so naturally at a tender age, that we seldom realize. Many of the beliefs and fears we have today are inherited from our parents and teachers without we even choosing them. Some commonly inherited beliefs are politicians are bad, officers are corrupt, a superstition (kind of fear) that has been passed over the years or happiness is related to money and possession. Thus, the approach a parent takes towards his or her child plays a vital role in how a child behaves and perceives the world around him after he grow up. Just as positive qualities such as kindness and compassion are inherited so are the negatives like arrogance, fear, ego and pride.

As parents, we tend to think that we always act in the best interest of our children and believe that every caution statement we offer them from our own experience (or our own fears) we are empowering them and protecting them... but many a times in reality it works the other way round for the child since every caution serves the purpose of instilling a fear in them rather than getting rid of one. The "take care" (or you might fall - at the back of the mind) of a mother while her child rides the bicycle for the first time or takes its first steps, makes him feel the fear the mother caries inside her. Most of the times, the word of caution represents the fear inside a parent or a teacher of the child failing in a particular task.

A few things we can do as parents, teachers or peers are - 

• Giving a child the TRUE perspective of a situation rather than YOUR perspective. This means building the child's ability to understand and interpret what is good and what is bad for him rather than telling him what is good and what is not. Please note - I have used the words good and bad rather than right and wrong... Something that is right for an individual can be wrong for another but good and bad are many a times universal
• Avoid caution or fear statements
• Spending creative time with your children
• Teachers should provide an intellectually challenging environment for a student
• Discipline (to a reasonable extent... most of us over-do it)
• Lead by example

A few things we can do to find our own fears and deal with our "where-did-i-get-this-from" thoughts -

• Take responsibility of your own thoughts and actions rather than blame circumstances
• Question your beliefs and see if you get valid answers to them
• Go beyond your boundaries. You will find your real fears when you step out of your comfort zone
• Use a positive language. e.g. instead of "I will fail if I don't do this" use "I will succeed if I do this"
• Identify and study what fears you have, reasons for their existence and whether they are real or inherited unknowingly

 Before I conclude, I will like to tell you a story. I read it as a part of an email forward...

A man was passing a herd of elephants in a circus being held by a small rope tied to their front leg. There were no chains or cages. The elephants could easily break those ropes and run away. Confused, the man asked the trainer how the elephants managed to stay there and did not attempt to run away. “Well,” the trainer said, “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it is enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.”

Just like these elephants, many of us are conditioned to inherit fears and beliefs unknowingly and we never try to break free from them. Have you discovered your fears? Have you found if you are living a conditioned life? Begin your quest today for a better tomorrow.

Cheers...